FAQ #6 - "Where can I find a list of rules for living in the Esplanade, and what should I do if a neighbor is violating the rules and causing a problem for me?"

This is the sixth in a series of "Frequently-Asked Questions" about life in The Esplanade. To see the complete list of FAQs, click HERE. Please consider submitting to this list of FAQs by writing a question, and then a corresponding article to answer the question.

By Dan Hardebeck

Can I hang a Christmas wreath on the outside of my condo door? Can I change my car's oil while it's in my parking spot? Can I display a political campaign sign on my balcony during elections? Do my drapes need to be a certain color?

Living in a condo building requires compromise and empathy far beyond that which is necessary for living in a suburban neighborhood. When hundreds of neighbors live stacked on top of and beside one another, and share a high percentage of common spaces, conflicts of interests are bound to arise. Most of the time, we deal with these small conflicts of interest in a polite, friendly manner: I'm in a hurry to get home and want to take the elevator straight to my floor, but my neighbors get on and push buttons that force me to stop at floors before my own, so I am briefly delayed. Do I get angry? Do I write nasty notes to them warning them not to do it again? Do I rant on social media about them? No, of course not. I accept that different people have their own lives, their own concerns, their own interests, beliefs and feelings which may be different from my own. So I smile, tell them to have a nice evening, and deal with getting home a couple minutes later.

The same principle applies to more significant scenarios: cleaning up after yourself when you, your pet or your guests make any kind of mess in common areas of the building; being conscious of how loud your music or your pet is; being aware that what you like to see or hear or smell or display or experience may be different from what your neighbors like; and recognizing that sometimes your activities - which you might not realize affect others - actually do impact neighbors in ways you had not thought of. (For example, do you know what it sounds like in my den when you come clomping down the NE stairwell?) These are the kinds of small annoyances we all deal with in exchange for all the things we like about living in the Esplanade.

Thus, in order to make life a little more livable, there are rules that safeguard everyone's well-being. Links to the rules can be found at the bottom of this post. But what if you notice that a neighbor is not following the rules? Here are a few helpful hints:

• First, determine if the rules violation is really something that is going to cause an ongoing problem for you. If a neighbor has a party one night that gets a little noisy, that hardly seems worth complaining about. However, if your neighbors host parties every weekend that are very loud late into the evening, then that is probably another matter.
• If the problem really is something that is going to impact you significantly, probably the best thing you can do is find a time to approach your neighbor and discuss the matter in a calm, polite, constructive way. See if there is some compromise that can be reached. Maybe you'll get invited to those loud parties.
• If talking to your neighbor in this manner is out of your comfort zone (which is understandable) you might consider writing them a very nice, friendly note, signing it with your name and unit number, and sticking it to their door. Mean and/or anonymous notes are generally not productive.
• Another solution is to bring your concern to the attention of the building manager, and ask her advice about how to handle the situation. The building manager probably has a good idea if your concern is shared by others, and sometimes can help resolve these types of conflicts.
• For some concerns, it might be appropriate to post a notice on social media or on The Esplanade News blog. This would be for when you just want to make people aware of their actions and how they impact others. For example, "When using the stairwells, can people please remember to hold the doors as they close, so that the doors don't slam? The slamming of stairwell doors is very loud in units near the stairwells. Thanks!"

• Probably the most important thing to remember is this: the vast, vast majority of the time, people have no willful intention of being rude or disrespectful or disturbing. Occasionally we all forget to be considerate. And sometimes we just don't realize how our actions affect others. So it's important to give your neighbors the benefit of the doubt - whatever they are doing that bothers you, they probably don't realize they are doing it.

Now, about the rules. Remember, even though we may not like some of the rules, they are there to protect everyone. If you'd like to see changes in the rules, talk to a board member about the process for doing that.

• The declaration - click HERE. This is the big book that contains all of the legal information about the building, including a lot of rules. Please note that this document is searchable. That means that once you click on the link, you can then type Ctrl-F, and type in particular words you'd like to search for in the document.
• HOA rules and regulations - click HERE. These are rules which give further clarification to the policies set out in the declaration. This document is also searchable.
• Garbage and recycling rules - click HERE.